I was going through one of my email profiles and ran into some old pictures I didn't even remember I had posted. So I began to feel a bit nostalgic because they were from about 5 years ago when I was still young and innocent hehe...
Well, I came upon a picture of me with my grandmother and suddenly I felt a lump in my throat. She passed away last December. She was my favorite grandmother....You know the one that spoils you like crazy when you visit? The one whose house you don't want to leave? When I heard the news that night, I was devastated. I cried, of course. But like any other time, my "tough chick" attitude kicked in and I felt I had to be strong for my mother and sisters. I quickly moved on. It was easier since this happened in Mexico and only got to see her a few times a year. The last time I saw her was before I got married last May, and I'm glad I did. Somehow I knew that would be the last time.
You see, my grandma was unique! She was such a hard core soccer fan. I loved that about her! She would never miss watching a game. She'd get mad when her team lost and she'd be happy when they won. She was a loyal fan, hehe. After I got married, I was excited for my husband to meet her since they both root for the same team! I dreamt of taking her to the new stadium that was built half an hour away from her "ranchito" and maybe even watching a game with her. I'm sure that would have made her really happy. It would have been so awesome to share that moment with her. But now it's too late.
Seeing this picture has finally let it sink in. She's gone. I didn't get to say goodbye, but neither did my mother. I can't imagine the feeling of losing my own mother and not being able to say goodbye. I don't know if I could manage. I don't know if I could go on with my life. Yeah, as a christian I have hope, but the pain can sometimes drown that hope. Losing my grandmother has taught me to value my mom even more. Not only because you never know what can happen, but because I've seen another side of her. I've seen her vulnerability. Sometimes you see your parents as the wise ones and strong ones. Seeing my mom so heartbroken and sad made me realize that just as I need her, she needs me too. And I plan on being there and enjoying every minute I have with her, because you just never know.
My grandmother holds a special place in my heart. Though it pains me to have lost her, I am positive she is in God's memory, and I know I will see her soon! I can't wait to receive her with open arms!
